Gojyo's Lullaby
by demonic blood shed666
Summary: Gojyo sings a lullaby to his mother in his early childhood. His thoughts on his abuse, his life, his love for his mom and himself. oneshot, tis not a happy story


The song is "My Lullaby" by Maria Mena. oneshot, hope you enjoy!

_Mom please tell me what to do_

_I'm so disappointed in you_

_You said those words that made me cry_

_and you always wondered why_

_Why I sing my lullaby..._

She was saying them again. Filthy mongrel, disgusting half breed waste. I hated it when she said those things...it hurt...it hurt so much more to listen to her screams of disgust and complete and utter loathing of me than to fall prey to her beatings. Her beatings I could take...my mother...she needed someone to unleash her anger on and I was the perfect victim. From the second I was thrust into her arms by my ungrateful, disloyal father I was her perfect punching bag.

And it made me feel good a little bit when she beat me. I was helping her I suppose...it was never healthy to keep such anger and pain locked away inside. I've told Jien this, that's why I never bothered to cry when I was harmed by either her or the other villagers. There was no point, I was helping her after all and if I cried under her ministrations where would the gratefullness, the honor be in that?

He told me that I should listen to my own advice. I was keeping my emotions all bottled up inside after all but that was no problem. If I let my anger, my pain, my sorrow, me everything break free like they wanted to it would only hurt her more. And I didn't want to do that to her. Not to my mother, nor did I want to it to my brother. Yes, I should just stick to my smokes, I know, I know...an eight year old smoking? A chain smoker at such a young age? Some people would hate that...but it was the only thing I was willing to try.

I wouldn't hurt myself, that would feel like a form of surrender and besides, it would bother my mother if I did that. It was her job to hurt me...mark up my skin with blood and bruises. And it would hurt my brother, he wouldn't want to see that.

Ah! Don't worry, she just got me a little that's all. So what if there's a little blood...so what if my arm was broken...so what if the thick base of my shoulder was shooting straight up and out of my skin...

It didn't matter. All that mattered was that she was getting her frustrations out. She needed to do this, it was the only thing that made her feel good...besides sleeping with Jien anyway. So letting her do this without complaint or defense was the only thing I could do to help her. And it made me feel good to help her so the physical pain was nothing.

No, what hurt was the words constantly spilling from her mouth. Her curses. That's what hurt. And what hurt more was that whenever she looked at me her beautiful face was smothered in tears.

_Mom please hurry home to me_

_I waited up so paitiently._

_You sit down and you start to cry_

_but you never ask me why_

_why I sing my lullaby..._

_Was it my fault they lead you in the wrong direction?_

_Was it my fault they didn't show you any affection?_

_I show you when I start to cry,_

_.still you always wonder why,_

_why I sing my lullaby..._

Mom did like to leave at night. Sometimes she would stay out for a while, just getting drunk or at least trying to and whenever she came back from those rendevous she would attack me and cuddle up with Jien. I hated those nights because not only did it hurt to see her hurting as she abused me, but I hated listening to the affection going on in the next room.

Mother and Jien could never be quiet. Especially not through these thin, thin walls.

There was no need to ask why the villagers never bothered with her anymore. Apparently back when she was sane she was quite the popular woman. Everyone in the town loved her, she would play games with the children and assist the elderly. She was practically the mother to everyone in the village except to those who wanted her for her body.

I hated those people. How could they have such thoughts about such a beautiful, wonderful person?

She was this village's everything.

And than my old man went and got frisky with some other woman, a human woman no less, and I was created. After I was dumped on her door step like a sack of rice droughts soon plagued the town. Along with famine and all other sorts of nasty things. The villagers blamed me, and since I was with Mom they blamed her as well. Jien was the only one who somehow managed to remain on their good side. An excellent thing for him, I really couldn't be happier for him.

I envied him a bit though, I'll admit. He had Mother's love and affection, he had the village's admiration and of course...he was a full blooded youkai.

I was the complete opposite of him. And everyone else I suppose.

So they attacked her sometimes when she left the house, screaming and shouting at her when she came into view before giving her the cold shoulder completely. Sometimes I hated Jien. If only he let her do away with me, she would be okay. They would go back to being loving with her and she would have her friends again...if only I didn't exist everything would be alright. But no, he wouldn't let that happen so she suffered horrendously.

Her friends no longer looked at her, talked to her, hung out with her. The either ignored her, abused her, or humiliated her. And when she got ohme, if Jien wasn't there and I was...well it was hello pain for me.

Gods...how I hated those tears! How I hated the blood that ran through my veins, the blood she so often commented and cried on...how I despised myself for getting her into this mess.

Jien always said women shouldn't cry. Women are too beautiful to feel the pain or anything else that makes those glands fill and mess their face.

I wished she would stop crying...that's why I offered her my neck when she decided I was to no longer live. I was perfectly okay with that...perfectly content with the fact and...

_Mom why love me if you're cold_

_you'kk just get bitter than grow old._

_Ask me when I start to weep,_

_then I'll tell you when I sleep_

_why I sing my lullaby..._

I liked to imagine that when she was bringing the axe down to kill me that it wasn't in an act of hatred. But love.

She loved me enough to protect me from my pain filled life. She loved me enough to get me out of it, to save me from a future filled with pain and suffering.

I hated Jien when he killed her to protect me, and than, as if I wasn't even there he ran off. Leaving me alone to care for our dead mother.

So as I stand over your grave now Mom, the grave I dug for you myself with the large axe as a R.I.P. stone, I tell you why I sing to you my lullaby.


End file.
